Log in

24 February 2011 @ 03:13 pm
Yeah, we're all searching for our paradise. It's a pity how, along the way, so many fall for false paradises, sacrificing their identity in the process for gratification. Though "false paradises" seems like a nasty idea, the truth may be harder to accept than people realize. Paradise: a lie. One may convince them self that reaching such a place (or state of mind) is possible. They may do so in order to have a purpose, to strive for something in life. Paradise is happiness. It is a state of being, where the self is being itself and nothing else.
14 February 2011 @ 10:41 pm
Why do we need a whole day to celebrate only ONE type of love? And a not-so-great one at that? Valentines...psh, it's like a retarded Christmas.
25 January 2011 @ 10:12 pm
God damnit, I always come here when I'm on such a low...

There's a lot of thoughts swimming around in my head today. None of which are very bright or cheery. I keep thinking about death. Well not really death itself but more like that state which is between life and death. That feeling one gets when they have accepted death as a reality and are at peace with it. And then I think of people who I care about, and who are close to me, and then the lyrics to this song come to mind. Honestly it's driving me crazy. These lyrics really get to me, especially near the end where the singer says "Please don't cry for me. Please don't be sad. I'll be all right, Jus' my turn, you know. Please don't be mad. It's part of life" and "we all owe time". Ha, come to think of it this song may be responsible for my blue mood entirely. It's such a beautiful song though, I can't seem to tear myself away from it. It haunts me, and one of my biggest insecurities is losing those I love, or not being able to do anything for them. I have such a huge fear of loss...sometimes I wish I had nothing at all, that way I'd have nothing to lose in return. But honestly, I think the song just came along at an appropriate time because I had been in a melancholy mood since Saturday. It's hard for me to explain. Sometimes I just bring myself down, and sometimes that "down" gets pretty damn low. For example today I tried to get my mind off of these gloomy thoughts...but ended up losing focus on whatever I was doing to distract myself! I was only content doing one of two things today. 1. Sleeping 2. Staring at the wall listening to music.

I really cannot explain why this happens...but I think it has something to do with my being discontent with my life at the moment. Sometimes I feel so incredibly alienated, and I'm not sure if that has to do with where I live, or if it's because of me personally. Perhaps it's a combination of both (probably is) but I know one thing for sure, today I miss the HELL out of my friends. I would talk to people on the internet and stuff, but it just isn't as good as being there in person. I'm really sick and tired of typing shit to people. I want to see them face to face, but that is impossible. We're all scattered all over the place, and to be honest some friends don't even deserve my attention. Does not matter though, because regardless of how little they deserve, I still miss them. That's just the problem with people, you get to talking to someone, no matter how short a conversation, and later you'll miss them. I end up missing everybody in the end at some point. But anyway this alienated feeling, I compare it often to being dead. I do not know why exactly, it is nothing like being dead realistically speaking, but sometimes I feel like I am. Like I'm this ghost that contains these memories of people I once knew, but cannot contact anymore. Or it is as if I'm floating in a sea, staring into the huge dark abyss at the bottom, floating quietly away.  I think maybe that is why I am so into these songs about that midway between life and death. I feel like I am there, right now. Or as Kierkegaard would say, I have the despair, that of which is the sickness unto death. But anyhows, then I remember people in my life who REALLY have been there...who are gone now. And that doesn't help cheer me up, I'll say that much. Most of the time I don't mind being a stand alone complex here, but sometimes it gets to me. I get to me. I'm my own worst enemy, really. I think most people hate being alone because being alone allows people to face their inner demons, or their true selves. I think most people cannot handle themselves, so they seek the company of others for some sort of odd reassurance (that I never quite got the hang of) that they really are the person they think they are. Honestly I don't think people know who they really are. But hell, I really do not understand people, they do not make any sense most of the time. Often, I think my lack of understanding leads to some of my major trust issues, but it's probably more than that. I do know for a fact that I do have some serious trust issues, and have so for a long, LONG time. I'm rather stuck between wanting to be close with my friends, yet running away because I fear intimacy to an extreme. I cannot be intimate with anyone, or make myself so utterly vulnerable, to lose myself so deeply within them. That is why I have to stand alone. Sometimes I'm plum crazy...
03 September 2010 @ 04:54 am
Fwoo, it's early in the morning, and I got to get up in about four hours. To make matters more sucktastic, I have a crapload of color in my newly bleached hair. My roots were coming out, and purple and brown don't look very good together. My roots didn't grow out very much though, just about half an inch but it was bothering the crap out of me, so away they go! Hopefully in a few minutes they will come out to be a wonderful purple color, but ugh I'm already sleepy. Should have started this process earlier, like when I first got home. But arrg, this trip to Houston is going to be a killer. I think it is about an 8 hour drive up there, which means we are going to have to leave eaaaarly. Not only because of the distance but because my dad decided to get the oil changed on the Aveo -.-. Now...of all times!

After that statement I went and washed out my color. Looks awesome. Bah, gonna try to get some sleep now, too tired to talk anymore, so I"ll enjoy a grand total of 3 hours of snooze!
01 September 2010 @ 01:07 pm
So! In a much better mood today. I don't have much time to write this down, since I am currently in class, but I will most likely edit it later on. Yay for classes in computer labs! Except here we are using internet explorer. Damn I really hate this browser, it's slow, outdated and adds are everywhere. I switched over to firefox out of frustration and have never looked back. Firefox is possibly the best browser to hit cyberspace...I wonder if I can download it on here now? Nah, probably not because this isn't an administrator account. Just a student one, which means I can't do any downloading whatsoever. Can't even change the time. Baah, oh well, that is what my home computer is for, and it's a shame I can't take it around with me. Not even a laptop will replace it, even if it was a pretty good one.
31 August 2010 @ 01:26 am
I guess I've decided to resurrect my live journal page. Woohoo! *waves arms*, but then again...

The whole reason as to why I am bringing this back to life is because I've been hit repeatedly with bad news the past two weeks. To get right to the point, I'm sick of it. I'm tired of the people and creatures around me dying. I hate caring about things, nothing lasts forever, and loving living beings just ends up hurting you in the end. Or so it seems. You could argue that there is some sort of tremendous benefit in being able to love, and that is what makes us human. But then, what's so important about being human? I think people are willing to believe that the capability of love is great because it defines humanity to a degree, and because they are arrogant. People seem to have this vanity, this pride in being human and such pride leads them to easily believe that being human is a blessing and all important. Are they fools? Or are they correct?  Those questions might sound sacrilegious, and maybe they are, but I don't care. I like to question everything, and I detest people who eat up the information taught to them by the spoonful without question. It is naive, maybe even anti-intellectual. 

Arrg, I'm rambling a cynical rant, aren't I? Haven't even stated the events that have caused me to be in such a mood. I've gotten to used to shoving the things that bother me away, far back into my brain and pretending I don't feel anything. Feelings. They've been bottled up for a while, and I opened this place again so I could vent in a relatively healthy manner. I think that I have perhaps forgotten how to express myself with words, and that isn't helping the situation. For a long time (2 months maybe), I haven't really spoken to anyone, and wished to be alone to brood. I have succeeded in keeping my distance from people, yet the distancing has possibly caused more damage than healing. Ironic, seeing as how the wish of not loving and being aloof came true, and has turned into the problem. I should probably take the hint: Loving isn't as bad as it seems.

Anyway! I promise to speak openly here and now. What really got me so down was my bird, Chiquita, who died on Monday the 23rd of August. I've had her with me for 14 years (since I was 6), and she was a living piece of my past. When you keep an animal around for that long, they become more like a friend than a pet, and that is exactly what we were. Sounds strange, seeing as how she is a bird and not a dog or a cat. But to me she was a special bird. I saw her as an individual, and I know she had more of a personality than most people would think a bird would have. She was always content with life in a cage, and never under stress or aggressive, even though she did nip at me when I was a child for being too rough with her. As I learned to be more gentile, she too began to be more docile towards me and eventually wanted to be handled. She was a cute bird, always attentive and curious, but couldn't fly for shit XD. Seriously, every time she took off she would sink like a rock and PLOP on the floor. My mom always said that she was too fat to fly, and indeed she was rather large for a bird. She also had her wings clipped at the store, so perhaps she never really learned how to fly. But that aside, she always was a pleasure, making the people around her feel a little bit ligher...unless they got too close to her cage. Then it was finger nipping time! Yeah, she didn't much like people crowding around her cage, sticking their fingers between the bars. Territorial I guess? Ah, she also had plenty of near death experiences. First, we (mom and I) accidentally left her out too long on the porch in the heat of August during the peak hours of the day, and when we came back to get her, she was toppling over from heat exhaustion. We honestly didn't think she would survive, even when wet put fans near her and sprayed her with water. She stayed at the bottom of the cage, panting. BUT, she came through and went for a long time with out anything happening. The next significant thing that happened was the raccoon attack. It came during the night, when she and my other Cockatiel were spending the night outside. That damn coon wasn't even afraid when my mom charged outside with the flashlight, and kept biting at Chiquita. Before my mom could pound it's head in with a stick, it ran off,  but with Chiquita's wing. It was a pretty bloody sight. the cage had blood splatters, the floor was bloody, and her wing was sitting in a little pile of blood where the coon left it. She was in a serious state of shock after that (who wouldn't be?) and once again we were afraid she would die in a matter of hours. But again, she surprised us by surviving for five more years. Her condition after the loss of her wing only deteriorated, and eventually she couldn't balance on her perches anymore. We got her a small cage so she could sit at the bottom of it and be content. And she was, for about three years. She got to the point to where she couldn't walk anymore, and shuffled around at the bottom of the cage to eat and drink, and soon stopped eating.

Last week, I remember looking at her two days before she died. She was content (as always) but looked incredibly tired. She had a hard time staying awake and keeping her head up. It was then I knew that something wasn't right, and that the air of death was about. Death...a funny thing. For some who are near it, it is like a cloud, hovering over them, growing ever darker and casting a sleepy spell on it's victim. The closer it is, the more tired they become. Chiquita had lost her spark, and was ready to rest. I took a good long look at her shiny black eyes, and she looked at me. I kinda questioned in my head "are you the same? Tell me, are you tired and ready to go? Look at me like you used to, and I'll know right now". After a few seconds of examining her, I got my answer, and needless to say I had to run into the house and grab a tissue( <-- corny story is true story). I knew it was only a matter of time. But was then comforted because I knew she couldn't have died happier than she was. In a way, I think she chose to die a day later because she was content having both me and my mom around. It was like it was the way she wanted it. If a bird could want something of that nature. As I said before, I think she had more of a personality than most people think birds have. Maybe it is ridiculous, and wishful thinking. Yeah...probably is, but I do miss her. My poor bird. 

Secondly, Chiquita made me cry for an entire day on Monday, but then I got the news just this Saturday that someone who was rather important to me died. This time it was a human being, and one that I hardly knew! I mean for fuck's sake, she was more like a friend of a friend than my own!! Yet she was able to impact my life in a way I find incredibly meaningful. Her name was Esther, and had a cancer that kept her bed ridden most of the time. But because of her, I told people that I loved them, (and meant it) who I never would have told otherwise. It was a crazy day filled with anger, confusion, and arrogant joy. But in the end I was glad that I participated in Esther's activity. She was always one to believe that family and friends were the most important people, and should be loved, so she had us all tell a friend or family member "I LOVE YOU" whom we had the most trouble saying "I love you" to. I did it, even though it was hard as hell for some, and things turned out alright. After that her condition seemed to be rather consistent rather than escalating, so I had high hopes for her. Also she never had a "kick me" sign or a defeatist attitude, and that right there is half the battle. But then, Saturday I learned she had died in her sleep around the 25th, and was really quite crushed. I never really knew her on a very personal level, but I know good people when I see them, and yeah she was one. I only regret not getting to know her better, and the fact that she died at such a young age (16). I can only hope that when I die, can make such an impact on several people, as she did. Even to those I don't know very well at all, and in a way she is more powerful in death. Her close friends are raising funds to pay for her past procedures and end "worldsuck" as we know it in the future.

Now for the last bit of BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW. My cat Rika (bonita) has gone missing for a whole day. For her, that is exceptionally weird. To be honest, I fear for the worst. The last time this happened, my cat never came back. Well actually that isn't true, Genesis went missing for 2 days but I think that was because Andrea came over with her dogs and scared him away. Rika has no real reason to wander off like this. I'm not sure what to think yet, but I am beyond worried that she has been killed or trapped somewhere where we can't find her and die. If she doesn't show up in another 2 days, I'll pretty much figure she is dead, just like Duchess. I remember for the longest time I kept looking for Duchess, despite the fact that she was dead, it was like I needed to see her body to believe it. In a way I have never gotten over her disappearance, and still miss her terribly. Now to have another one of my cats pull a Houdini like that, it scares me shitless. I'll continue to be on nerve's end until that cat comes home.

So there you have it. My explosion of emotional crap that has been pent up for a long loooong time and during the past week, overflowed. I blame all the death and disappearances. But lately I've had quite a bit of philosophical thoughts, and have been radiating cynical waves of DOOM. Best get it out here, and I will continue to update this (hopefully) every other day. Ha, I'll believe that when it happens *eye roll*. Ciao!
Current Mood: sadsad
09 October 2009 @ 03:41 pm

Aaaah x_x English 1301 today, and it was a pain as usual. But some good came out of it I guess, the good thing being a mystery solved. I have discovered why my teacher treats us all like a bunch of morons -_- and it has to do with politics. Yaaaay, she’s a flaming liberal! My favorite! Le sigh, man where do I even begin with her crazy theories. Firstly...she sees America as a back stabbing lying country that is completely unjustified and Mexico has every right to hate our guts. Especially Texas and the Rio Grande Valley. Seeing as how it was part of Mexico, but we dirty Texas claimed it for ourselves! -_- PFF yeah dumbass, we didn't want to be under the rule of dictator Santa Ana kthanks. I guess she would have been A-okay with that, but I'm fucking glad it didn't happen.

Now, here comes the good part. And listen up because this is so full of crazy, you might not believe I said it. Mkay, according to Mrs. Methamphetamine, the government of Texas has spoiled a generation of students. Apparently, there was a (uber) secret plan (OMG secret =O) going on to dumb down schools, grade schools in particular, so that kids wouldn't be educated enough to get into colleges and stay working low wage jobs. The Texas government wanted a whole "slave" workforce for the crappy jobs nobody else wants to do...because SOMEBODY has gotta do it! The generation she speaks of is my generation and the newer generation, so those who are part of my generation and are in college are the lucky ones! Yeaaah that it, we defied the odds, so go us! -_- what a load of BULLSHIT, Texas government DUMBING down schools? I think not, I always remember my elementary school striving for high grades, and my middle schools did the same, even if all they taught was the fucking TAAS (TAKS) test. A nice hunk of Texas money goes over to fund education. Ah, also she thinks that Oregon, her home state, has muuuch higher standards than Texas and people are better off getting education over there. And of course if you get better educated you get better jobs, but honestly that’s ridiculous. So yes, Mrs. Meth...you need to calm the hell down, kay?!! Anyway, she treats us like we are idiots because she honestly thinks we were screwed over by the government, and the English we were supposed to have learned in, say 6th grade, wasn't learned because of the government. Damn hippies and their establishment hate. Oh did I not mention she was a hippie? Ha silly me, yes she was a hippie, and still considers herself to be a damn hippie. AND according to her, the internets was a hippie invention! Oh yes...apparently we got tired of having the US Government "spoon feed" us the news, so the internet was invented to give an unmonitored, unedited, news feed, which is better than watching government news because they manipulate us by editing stories!!! *gasp*!  -.- *siiiiigh* she is hopeless...and I'm stuck with her for the rest of the semester.
Of course, being a liberal, she is a Bush basher and I quote this verbatim "I wouldn't trust that man to baby sit my dogs for two hours, let alone run my country! Guys, you need to vote right, we can't keep voting for these guys. You young people need to get up and vote!" and OMG I was about to explode at that statement. And what let fucking Al Gore be the prez? The guy made a documentary about global warming, how man is causing it, and how we can supposedly control the environment willy nilly. Yeah, suuure we have that type of power, but jeez having a guy give THAT type of documentary be president? I don't think so, I would have voted for Bush if I was old enough T_T, but unfortunately I don't remember much about the campaigns, I was a bit too young.

I'd also like to say that she is just racist. She is very bitter towards "white" people in general, and thinks that "white" people are narcissistic ass holes who ignore all the contributions of every other race, whether they are black, Asian, or Hispanic. She likes to focus on Hispanics though, saying that they were cheated by the US with the whole Prasero (sp?) thing. She has the impression that when it was disbanded in the 50's the US started running out the Mexicans, and that they were coming back illegally into the US just to reclaim what was rightfully theirs. Thus, it’s our own damn fault for the illegal immigrants and we DARE tell them to get out after what we did to them?? *scoffs* America is such an ass! -_- yeah, Mrs. Steinert is killing me softly. Also...she thought I was white >.> she called me her "Token white person in class" right in front of my dad. LOL he looked so surprised at this, and said "aha, you don't know her secret then do you" and Mrs. Steinert was just like "...o_o?" And then I chime in and say "-_- My mother is Chilean, I'm half Chilean and several other bazillion things" haha, she just stared at me kinda blankly for a bit and said "Ha, so you have no idea why I stress the Chicano title do you?" and I respond "nope! It really doesn't matter to me or my mom :D."

So yes...now she knows that I am not Mexican nor Central American, or a "pure-bred" white person. -_- Gah, I suddenly have the urge to say "Imma MUDBLOOD :D!" just because she seems to think that all "white" people are pure-blooded Scots/Irish/German all the way. Um HELLO white people are a mix of all sorts of things! GRR! *head desk* On a brighter note, we are indeed able to make a fictional business for our brochures. HAHAHA she is going to adore mine, I guarantee it >:)

Bleeh anyway, I think that ends my ranting today -.- I was just AMAZED at some of her thoughts and had to share them. This is Rexin, signing off after a good day’s job. Over and out.

Current Mood: crankyFed Up
Man, I just can't let this blow over without ranting about it here on LJ. It will be good for my health I'm sure, because I'm feeling pretty shitty right now. I've been crying so much and for so long I have one mother of a headache. Took some advil to take care of that, ah yes...some sweet relief after hours of my head throbbing. Of course I have nobody to blame but myself for it, so much stress will do that sort of thing. But I can't help it if I'm such a pussy about the death of my cat Genesis. All of my cats are beings that I basically give my ENTIRE heart to, and that is something a human being will probably never have the pleasure of claming. I knew each one from the day they were born, I know their personalities like no other, they were literally like my children, I guess. No matter what you call them, when I honestly love something, I want to protect it with my life. When I discovered that Genesis was killed this morning by a car driver, I feel that I have failed him entierly. I couldn't do anything about it, and now I can't even give him a proper burial. He was tossed in the trash, and he didn't deserve that at all. He deserves so much more, but there is literally nothing I can do now. It makes me want to die just thinking about it, so unjustified, and I need some justice. I can't stand thinking about him in some lady's trash can...we wouldn't do that to humans, so why do it to a cat. And a really sweet cat to boot, I mean he had the nature of an angel. He was almost too good to be true, always wanting to be loved and was always happy to see you. If you woke him up during a nap, he didn't care, he was just happy you stopped by to see him. But it seems he was the one to have a hard time from the beginning...frequently getting caught in the neighbors traps, then getting sick, and then getting run over by some dick head. But then again he did always have a problem with wandering around. He wasn't famous for crossing the street, but he would often sleep under our car, and wander about in the front yard. Perhaps today was the fateful day he decided to cross the street early in the morning. The morning is always busy on my street, and the speed limit is 30 MPH, so I have the comfort of knowing he died quickly. At least. But it's still not much of a comfort. Nothing is comforting right now. I haven't been this sad in such a long time...I forgot what it was like to feel so much. And quite frankly I wish I were heartless, because I just want to sit and cry. I hate crying...it's so pointless and a waste of energy. I feel tainted, like I just lost a vital part of my being...or perhaps a better wording would be I feel as though part of me has died. It went into the trash with poor Genesis, and it isn't coming back.

Also I feel so empty because I was just thinking about my cats the other day. I thought about the fact that I haven't seen them in so long, and how I missed each one, with their own personalities. I missed my Genesis too, him and his kind nature and his owl head. We called him Owl because his hair around his head made him look like a great horned owl some times, because it was so long. I thought about how great it would be during Thanksgiving, when I could see them all again. But now I won't ever get to see him again...ever. I HATE that, and how I just have the memories of him the last time I saw him. I'm just glad they were all great memories. But thats perhaps what hurts so much. Good memories are some of the saddest ones, because they make you miss whoever is gone more. It reminds you that you won't ever get to be with them like you had been in your memoires. In other words, it won't ever be that good again. I don't know why people sasy "good memories are the best comfort". And I never even got to say goodbye...he was just - gone. Its not fair...what did he or I ever do wrong to have that happen? He was a perfectly healthy cat, and his life was just stripped away. He had several years to live...what did he do? What did anyone do.

(WARNING: religious stuff ahead)
I hate getting all religious, but big guy up there...why the fuck would you do this? You apparently know everything...don't I deserve some sort of answer? Apparently not, and for that right now I hate you. I hate the jack ass who ran over him too. But I shoudn't be so angry...because heaven is a much better place than this earth is it not? He is in the golden palace...paradise, where he deserves to be, I just have yet to figure out his purpose in this life. Because he had one...but I wasn't done with him, it just feels like it was too soon.

They say love heals...I disagree right now. All love does it hurt you more while making you think it heals. Its a bittersweet lie. If I couldn't love, I wouldn't give a damn about a cat, or about anyone. I would be completely logical and wouldn't feel emotions which are in themselves entierly irrational. If I couldn't love...I wouldn't be hurt. But that is cowardly isn't it? Love takes courage, as they say, and courage is considered a "good" quality. Love is also considered to be good...actually "beautiful". And we have all heard the phrase "beauty is pain", and I think that extends into more than just physical cosmetic beauty.  I mean it more in a spiritual way I guess. To experience something beautiful is to feel emotional pain, and to be able to do so willingly is courageous. I don't know...really. I am so lost, and feel so alone. Even the things I love aren't a comfort right now. Horses, art, music...nothing. Everything is meaningless. And I worry because I am usually able to cheer myself up. This is much different...this is horrible.

I'll have to build a shrine or something. I have to give Genesis a proper farewell, seeing as how I can do nothing else. Below are some pictures of him...just to remember him as he was. And I'll part with these words "Absence makes the heart brittle, and like a broken pot, a broken heart can never be mended" and "Why can't I be made of stone like these?"

Photobucket He was being silly here.
Photobucket Lastly here they all are, or well, mostly. Rika isn't there, she was still on the porch. Genesis is the one with the shiny collar. I gave it especially to him to distinguish im from Angeal. At that age they were almost impossible to tell apart.
Current Mood: depressedCrying
11 September 2009 @ 05:30 pm

It turns out that the "III" was referring to the secret societies that are present within the game TSW, them being Dragon, Templars, and Illuminati initiates.  I must say the answer is pretty surprising, but not becaue of the occults themselves, only because of the way they were presented to us. Around...oh...September the 3rd on darkdaysarecoming.com, an initiation test appeared that allowed us to gain some information about these elusive groups. I'm disappointed to report that the results were...brief...to say the least. They gave very basic backgrounds on each group, and even that was vague and open to speculation. It was hell on the forums for about two weeks, because nobody understood what it was they were exactly. THEN there were the people who thought they knew EVERYTHING about the occult, which just sprouted arguments and silly role play about hateing eachother. Oh, I say two weeks because Ragnar gave a major press release of game information at the PAX game convention, and several issues were cleared up. Until that time though it was all controlled chaos x_x. Now, I'll get into the gorey details of the secret societies, and first up are the TEMPLARS. W00t. 

PhotobucketIt is important to note, that all the groups are united against the same evil, however this doesn't make them friends. Templars are the sworn enemy of the Illuminati and vice versa, get these two guys in a room at the same time and the fur will fly! Heck even if you put a Templar in with a Dragon...a group on the side...the tension is high. All groups have their strengths, but also have noticeable flaws. Anyway onward to Templars in general. Too often they are regarded as CHRISTIAN royal obsessed zealots. Well, its true they are zealots and obsessed with royalty (so much so that they practise inbreeding), however they aren't a strictly Christian group. You could very well have a Muslim, a Buddhist, and a spiritualist in the Templars all cooperateing and fighting the same way. The key thing to remember is that they don't stress Christianity, but they do stress faith. To be a Templar, you have to have faith in something, it doesn't really matter what it is...just have it. Templars also stress that the blood of innocents should be spilled if its for a greater good. If there is a monster hiding in a village, they don't have any qualms about setting the place on fire, burning it to the ground and killing every person, just to get that monster. They would say "trust us, its for the good of the earth". Also the Templars shouldn't be confused with the Knights Templar (I know some cool history just got shot down). The dealio here is that the Templars (no Knights) came before the Knights Templar, which was in fact a sort of spin off of ideas from the group. The two never really agreed with one another, and the Templars now don't wish to be partnered with the Knights in any way shape or form. Also, Templars are a bit on the self-righteous side. Actually scratch that, they are totally self-rightcheous and morally incorruptable. Their faith (wherever it lies) gets them through any obstacle, and what has made them persevere through history, and they are the closest things we have to "good guys" as possible.


PhotobucketWell, to talk a lot about these guys is a challenge. The Illuminati are known as the most secretive of the secret societies and are the closest thing to a "bad guy" as you can get. They don't want anybody to figure out what they are up to, and even if you are part of the group, you are only given enough information to get by. Theirs is a hierarchy society...those on top know the most, those on the lowest levels know less. It's not necissarily hard to work your way up though, it depends on what you do. Illuminati believe very strongly in their motto "Do or get done", that is to say what you do is what matters here...and nothing else.These "Doers" of the groups are also the only ones who don't follow a principle or philosophy. Some even go far enough to say they are amoral wreckless jugheads, but in truth you can be whatever you want...the Illuminati simply doesn't care. So long as you get the job done, you can be whatever you want. It's true though, the Illuminati, due to their carefree attitude tend to attract the more aetheistic parties. You can probably see now why the Templars would hold such animosity with the Illuminati...seeing as how in this group such things as faith, justice, and balance are entierly meaningless. Note that the Illuminati work like a corporation. They have people in buisnesses....BIG buisnesses, manipulating their way through to get what they want out of others. Illuminati is out to gain something, its like a leviathan, always hungry. This is where the "greedy" association comes from, the Illuminati is constantly seeking something to take for their own personal gain, and they 'aint afraid to kill some bitches for what they want. Nor are they afraid to sell drugs, prostitutes, use black mail, or bribery. Illuminati are hard players, and definatly attract rough crowds. Lastly Illuminati are known for dark magic...as they say "the truth can set you free...or drive you insane". Not much is known about the magic they use, but they do indeed use the powers of darkness to get what they need, and the powers of darkness tend to corrupt the users.  


PhotobucketThe dragon is very much "the people's group". Most people are Dragons, and it makes sense because they are the group on the sidelines. They don't really like to get their hands dirty like the Illuminati, and are much too humble for the justified Templars. And unlike both Templars and Illuminati, they talk their way through situations before they fight. Their primary belief is to keep the balance of light and dark forces, and they manipulate other parties to accomplish this. Dragons indeed work on both sides of the spectrum, having the two groups fight eachother to accomplish their goals of balance in a controlled manner. They also follow Sun Tzsu's philosophies on the art of war, useing chaos to accomplish peace and harmony. Dragons being primarily peaceful are often underestimated in battle, and such a concept is foolish. They are great sorcerers and fight with sword as well as with the mystical powers. Dragons have been practicing the mystic arts since ancient times and have therefore perfected it. Once again the "people's group" makes sense, seeing as how they use both sword and magic. And if anyone sympathizes with eastern traditions and culture, this group is a good one for you. Dragons borrow many other cultural habits from Asian countries. There is some Indian buiddhism, as well as the way of the samurai sword involved in their society. Just keep in mind that Dragons are the grey area...never going completely black or white.    

This video depicts a Templar character. Perhaps Aveline Belmont.
29 August 2009 @ 05:58 pm
Weeeeell, I have a new MMO to sink my teeth into. Or I should say I WILL have a new one, seeing as how it isn't out yet. The upcoming game is called The Secret World (TSW) and the best part is, my favorite director is seeing it along- Ragnar Tørnquist. He was the one who directed my favorite game of all time, The Longest Journey (NOT to be confused witth Dreamfall The Longest Journey, which is in fact its sequel and NOT as good, but more people know about it). So I am looking forward to this new game...even though I grow impatient with the man for not working on TLJ saga. Yes indeedy, he pretty much ditched the story after Dreamfall came out and went to go work on TSW. But according to him, he had been planning TSW waaaay before TLJ was ever thought up, so now he is finally working on it. Alright, I can deal with that I suppose, but damnit it better be worth it, and by that I mean it better be really really good. And as far as story goes, I don't know much because Ragnar won't tell us fans anything ._. because he says if he told us any tiny thing, something might be figured out and the mystery ruined. TSW is supposed to be a puzzle, adventure, MMO, and alternate reality mix game (sorta like TLJ, but it lacked the MMO), and Ragnar LOOOOVES to keep his fans guessing, so its not likely that he will tell us anything more than we already know. And what we DO know are simple clues, such as pictures with symbolic meaning, poems, number codes, the number/letter/roman numeral (?) "III", the character of "The Friend" and a consipracy about a clockwork society. Oh not to mention the code word for TSW is "Dark Days are Coming", hehe. I'm sure...by now...I have left the ready rather confused =/ and I would try and clear some of this up, but honestly if I go into detail about the clues...this might as well be a novel. The largest reason why I can't really pin down anything, is because nothing has been finalized....yeaaaah. There are only theories that surround these pictures, poems and whatnot, but I CAN say officially...a while back there was a series of clues that people had to figure out in order to get to TSW secret forum. It took people a couple of weeks to figure things out (I looked at the puzzles they were CRAZY hard!) but eventually the forum link was given out so everyone interested could go there. Unfortunatly I missed out on all the puzzle solving fun, and was just able to click on the link to go straight to the forums, but hey what can you do v_v. The interesting thing was, this whole puzzle thing was used as a sort of "advertisement" for the game, and those secret forums no longer exist (but in our memory XD). I wish that wasn't true, but luckily TSW fanatics discovered that Ragnar worked on Dreamfall, and flocked over to those forums when TSW forums died. So now people go and theororizes their little hearts out over at the Dreamfall forums and I am happy with that. After all thats basically all they did on TSW forums...theororize like crazy and try to gather more information about the game. Information like, who is The Friend character? Is he good or evil? What does he know? What is significant about the "number" III? Lolz, after a while it just gets to where you want to scream WHAT DOES ANYTHING MEAN ANYMORE?!!!

Well, I should probably shut up about the vague clues already and just got to the basic story and setting. At least those things are certain. The setting is supposed to be in the modern world (convenient), BUT some ancient myths are real, and some things that are thought to be real, are in fact just legends. There is a hidden world behind what we see, and it is a world of darkness and shadows and mysteryyyyy (woooo). Also, there is some funky thing going on with time and eventually...somehow...you go to civilizations and places set approximatly 100 million years in the past and so on. All this apparently has roots to the backstory (which we don't know yet), but I like the sound of it. The gameplay is supposed to be like a regular MMO, as in you run around in a virtual world and kill things. However TSW doesn't really incorporate the whole RP aspect, as in you don't really gain experience the way your used to, and you don't level up. You do have a choice of weapons and professions, but fighting really isn't in the spotlight for this game. What is, is the adventure aspect (this is my favorite part X3), as in the outcome depends on what you say or ask. I LOVE adventure games...I think they are the most engageing, and when you have a good story to go along with it, then damn its something I like to get sucked into. That is what happened with TLJ, the story was progressed by you conversing with others, using items to get through obstacles, and just following the story. I know it doesn't sound very exciting written down, but when you actually play it...you'll see what I mean. And true, it is one of those geners that you either love or hate, its definatly not everyones cup of tea, and it really shouldn't try to be. Unfrotunatly game designers try to make a classic adventure game that will attract every type of gamer out there, and the end result is something like Morrowind or The Witcher. Now now I am NOT dissing these games, they are alright for what they are, but they just aren't a classic adventure game. Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked, I was saying that TSW story changes with what you say and puzzles are what takes the spotlight. You are...after all...trying to unconver conspiracies, and that isn't likely to happen through just hacking and slashing through zombies. Also, there are no technical NPC played by an AI. The NPCs are actual people (thats what Ragnar claims anyway) and will give you complex answers, not computer generated ones. That...sounds a little unbelievable to me o_O, but if it happens, it will rule. As of now I don't know what to expect from that, so I try to expect nothing XD   

Well, there you go. I have been anticipating this since, oh, 2006 maybe, and in a few weeks its going to have a rather large promotion. I'll have to keep track of it. At any rate, this game will probably overcome my cheap addiction to WoW. Mmmm :D WoW is like the McDonalds of MMOs, honestly I think the only thing that saves it from being truly half assed is the Night Elf history, the High Elves and the new found Blood Elves and Draenei. Gaah sidetracked again! I was gonig to go on and say that I'll post pictures of the clues and poems, and a few screen shots below. I just need to find them... Photobucket "They are coming" was the title of this picture on Ragnar's twitter page. just postedRagnar just posted this picture, no title, but it has a meaning. III?Same picture BUT with all of them combined. WTF? Now I shall show you the original three clues we got: Number I- the poem Poem Number II- symbols Symbols Number III- Photograph last clue Lastly I would like to say, that there are SO much more clues out there, its just that I don't want to post about 30 pictures on this one post XD. There are letters, diagrams, more letters, symbol translations and lots more -_O
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful